My heart also goes out to that little Russian boy. He had no control over how he was brought up in Russia, he did not ask to be adopted, and I am sure he did not ask to be sent back to Russia. How could he....he was only 7. This story breaks my heart on so many levels. Not only for him, but for all of those who are trying to adopt from Russia. There are so many kids who need good homes and so many good people to adopt them, it is unfortunate that this lady's actions will slow down the process. As I think about her, I keeping asking "why didn't she talk to anyone about what was going on?"
The pinky promise-I know it will be virtual, but I promise to be there for all of my adopting friends! This support group has been amazing and I can't imagine how this process would be with everyone. The story above just shows how important a support group is after the adoption is complete. I know life gets crazy once you get home, but I would love it if we could "pinky promise" to be there for one another even after we bring our little ones homes!
P.S. I love the fact that those of you who are already home with your children, take the time to read and comment on my blog.....and I am sure the others who are in the process would agree. It means more than you know!!!!
My heart is heavy this weekend with all of this news as well.
ReplyDeleteIt would be too difficult to quantify how much the support of online friends has helped us through our transition to a family of four. We will certainly still be here for support when you get home with your two darlings - in whatever way we can. I pinky swear.
I pinky swear, too. Our transition to family life after Poland was very easy, but I still have my worries for the future. Our son was just 16 months when we brought him home (14 months when we met him) and hasn't known any different. I assume the future holds a lot of confusion and questioning for my son, and I will definitly need the support of my adoptive friends if that time comes.
ReplyDeleteThere is a similar story to the sad tale of boy who was sent back to Russia, but with much different parental actions http://www.startribune.com/local/east/90319512.html?page=1&c=y
The truth is that none of us, biological or adoptive, know what parenting is all about before we begin. Nor do we know what our child will come to us with before they enter our lives. What we can do, getting back to the promise, is trust and honor what it means to be a forever family and work through whatever comes our way. Thank you for suggesting this.
God Bless those, and the families of those, who died in the Russia crash. It is definitely a sad time for Poland.
Thank you for your very timely post. I've been reading a lot about the Russian boy and I feel conflicted. I fully understand all the anger on everyone's behalf. It's tough to determine what the truth is unless we personally know everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteBut I agree, we should renew our pinky promise to be there for each other. And if anyone here is experiencing ANY problems with the adoption, they should reach out to us for help. We've all been there, or maybe know someone who's been there, who can direct others to the right source for help.
I had been there myself at my wits end with an angry 6 year old who was threatning to hit me and pushed me against the door jamb numerous times in anger. I had the blue marks from bruises. I have the memory of the emotional anguish I had endured for a year.
I reached out for professional help.
Fortunately at the same time we reached the one year mark, and our son has finally settled down and has accepted his past and his new future with us. We have not had an anger outburst in 9 weeks. We are hoping that the last one was really the last one.
While it is extremely difficult to accept adopted children as your own, especially when they don't exhibit the behaviour you expect from them - you always have to bear in mind - these are my children! If I had biological children with such issues, I would seek all the help I could get them. It would have to be a social worker or a policeman to tell me "sorry, this child is too dangerous for you to continue raising him, we are removing your child away."
But like Sarah said, the help I've received from all the other adoptive families is immeasureable! I had spoken to so many adoptive mothers who have given me not just the sympathy and listening ear, but actual concrete help "here's a phone number to call."
Without this fantastic support group, I wouldn't have found the joy of adoption.
This morning was probably one of the best days I've had since we adopted. My daughter turned 6. Last night when we celebrated, I've been upset with myself for being a bad mother and not getting her siblings to make something for her birthday. I woke up surprised that both my two eldest were awake (an hour earlier than I expected!). Turns out, my daughter woke up early, and then woke up her older brother asking that he play with her. She has NEVER done this!!! Nor has he ever liked to be awoken. Not only did he wake up, but he made it a point to play with her as a "birthday gift" from him.
Those adoptive families that are in their first year and struggling with their children's behaviour - you'll reach this day as well. The day that will make you smile for the rest of the day happy that you made the right choice to adopt and give these wonderful kids a second chance at a better life.